Time

Well it is time for an update. Jason is doing great. He is one big boy and absolutely LOVES his family. He scoots around and his mom said that when he wants something he wants it right now and cries until he gets it. Sounds a bit like me. Well I don't cry, but when I want something I want it right then and there. He is a very happy baby as you can see by his pictures.

As for me....well that is a different story. I am doing okay most times. I love hearing about how Jason is doing, but at times I miss him so much that nothing seems to soothe my empty arms. I just wish I could kiss his chubby little cheeks and squeeze him tight and tell him that I love him everyday. I wish I could take my time watching him grow day by day. On the flip side I get more pictures than I ever imagined I would and get to see the changes in that cute chubby little face and personality.

Spiritually things seem to get a bit hard for me when my emotions are not on point, but I do remember to turn to the Lord. I am working on trying to remember the Lord when things are easy and tough and not to try to do it all on my own, but sometimes I forget. I love being a part of this gospel. Sometimes I think it was so easy to just stay where I was, but I realize it really isn't because of the guilt I feel.

I met a new birth mom a few weeks ago and it took me back to where I was and how the unknown was so scary. I remember not knowing how I was really going to feel about the actions I was about to take. I have truly been blessed with my experience and am happy to meet new birth moms and share our stories. I hope that one day I can help someone who maybe isn't doing the same thing I did, but is still having a hard time with changing their life. If not it doesn't really matter because I if anything else have changed.